The time has come my little friends

( left to right) Cousin Kynsie, Dustin,
Cousin Ryleigh, Emelia, Cole, Will, And Eliza

Well here I sit in what has been my home for the last 7 months. I must say that Texas has been good to me. Thanks to the wonderful people of Scottish Rite Children's Hospital, my little baby girl Emelia seems to clear of her disease, now... only time will tell. We have been able to spend wonderful times with our families here! The summer sun has felt good... as long as there is a pool two feet away to cool off in! Matthew and I have found something important to us... we want our jobs to be something we love and not just something we do to make money.
So here we are... ready to take the steps to make that happen. I have enjoyed being a stay at home mother for the last ten years but would love to feel like I could something more. I have always loved the idea of being a cosmetologist and now I am going to make that idea my reality. At the end of August I will be starting the 10 month program at The School of Designing Arts! Yippy!! I can't hardly wait!!!! While I am in school Matthew will be helping with the kids and deciding what dream he wants to fallow. Whether it be teaching, construction, or something crazy.... he has my support! So it seems the time has come for us to leave Texas. In just four days we make the trek north for our home in Michigan. Wish us luck on our new road to be debt free and doing what we love!!!!

Like somethin' is brewin' and 'bout to begin.

After writing what they thought the perfect nanny would consist of :
cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sort

You must be kind, you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Take us on outings, give us treats
Sing songs, bring sweets

Never be cross or cruel
Never give us castor oil or gruel
Love us as a son and daughter
And never smell of barley water


And making deals:
If you won't scold and dominate us
We will never give you cause to hate us
We won't hide your spectacles
So you can't see
Put toads in your bed
Or pepper in your tea

Jane and Micheal stood at their bedroom window, wondering what had gone horribly wrong. What were all of these old, warty, mean looking nannies doing at their home. Not one of them had rosy cheeks or looked kind and pretty.

Then the wind began to blow!

One by one the ugly mean looking nannies where blown away. There in the distance somehow magically floating down from the sky was a beautiful nanny. She was everything they could have imagined. Rosy cheeks and all!

Mary Poppins, is one of my most favorite movies. At this point in my life I feel like Jane and Micheal. I asked for one thing and got something completely different. I have made deals and begged to be heard. At the point of thinking there is no hope, the wind is picking up, all the ugly is flying away. I can see clearly in the distance something beautiful and wonderful on the horizon.

I love the winds of change!!

Failing!!!!!

I am a Failure!! I have spent the last month coming up with every excuse I can think of as to why I cant diet... I cant exercise... I cant! I Cant! I CANT!! First and for most let me answer the questions that I was asked a full month ago.
What type of diet am I on? I don't believe in trendy diets I have been burned by too many of them! So I have decided to just eat low calories. I try to consume about 1300 calories a day. Totally blows!!
Am I going to work my habits into my kids life styles too? Yes, we are all in this together!I want to breed better habits in them than I had bred in me. We will definitely be taking advantage of the Texas sun and spend the summer running and playing outside.
What is my goal weight? I have no idea!! I feel like I should really have a goal or all is lost, right? But I don't know what I should weigh because I have not ever lost any weight since babies... so I have no idea what to expect with my body. To start I am shooting for 150 and once I get there I will look at myself and see where I need to go from.
I want to thank wonderful people like my friend Amy for saying she never thought I looked like I weighed 200 pounds. I think this may be one of my draw backs though... I carry my weight so well you would never think me to weigh that much but the pounds are there even if they are portioned well on my body!!

I have included this fat picture of me at 215! I think that this picture makes me look fatter then I did actually did in person. You know... the whole, camera adds ten pounds thing. What do you think... do I look like I weighed 215?

I have managed even with my lack of commitment to bring my total weight loss to 15 pounds. The 30 Day Shred was too much for me. It killed me for the whole day. I want a good workout but not one that I am afraid to do because for the rest of the day I am in pain. The pain never goes away either... it is everyday... no matter how many times you do the workout... you die! I don't want to hurt. I am looking for something new. Just a regular workout not a death sentence!!

My current frustrations with all of this: I am a stress eater... and I am stressed!
My husband and I started this together and he is down 35 pounds and looking great... I am excited for him and frustrated at the same time!
I love food! Good food!! Why is that so bad? Why am I punished for loving a good Mexican dinner, followed by a smooth slice of flan? Why cant these things equal thin?
My daily song is that of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka:

Veruca Salt:
Gooses! Geeses!
I want my geese to lay gold eggs for Easter

Mr. Salt:
It will, sweetheart

Veruca:
At least a hundred a day

Mr.Salt:
Anything you say

Veruca:
And by the way

Mr. Salt:
What?

Veruca:
I want a feast.

Mr. Salt:
You ate before you came to the factory

Veruca:
I want a bean feast!

Mr. Salt:
Oh, one of those

Veruca:
Cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts
So good you could go nuts

Mr. Salt:
You can have all those things when you get home

Veruca:
No, now!!

I want a ball
I want a party
Pink macaroons and a million balloons
And performing baboons and ...
Give it to me
Rrhh rhhh
Now!

I want the world
I want the whole world
I want to lock it all up in my pocket
It's my bar of chocolate
Give it to me
Now!

I want today
I want tomorrow
I want to wear 'em like braids in my hair
And I don't want to share 'em

I want a party with room fulls of laughter
Ten thousand tons of ice cream
And if I don't get the things I am after
I'm going to scream!

I want the works
I want the whole works
Presents and prizes and sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizes
And now
Don't care how
I want it now
Don't care how
I want it now

Did you happen to notice that she starts out talking about a goose and turns it into, I want everything and all those things include food!! This is how I feel I want everything and all those things include food!!! I don't care how I want it now!!!!!

Getting Real With Myself and You!!

So... I am tired of people starting video blogs or regular blogs talking about their weight loss plan and never telling you how much they weigh. Um... Hello... you are obviously over weight or you wouldn't be doing what you are doing. So come out and tell the truth!!
Here is the real deal people... I am fat!!! I currently weigh exactly 200 pounds. I have been dieting for 1 month and have lost 11 pounds, and I started exercising 5 days ago.
Questions and Answers
Was I hard core dieting? No.
Do I think the exercising is helping? Yes.
Would I like more results? Yes!!!!
Have I always been fat? No.
What are my weak points? SUGAR!!
Do I come from what is called "fat stock?" Well... I wouldn't say "fat stock" I would call us "pleasantly plump."
Do I really want this? Um...Yes.(sarcastically said)
Am I a self motivator? No.
Am I okay with delayed gratification or do I need instant? Instant, I need results if I am going to be depriving myself of the food that I love and getting up every morning busting my butt working out.
Is this the fattest I have ever been? No... isn't that sick!
What exercise am I doing? Jillian Michaels 30 day shred.
Background Check
When I met my husband at the age of 18 I was 5 foot and 6.5 inches weighing in at a whopping 125. At the age of 20 I weighed 205. Okay you can pick up your chin and ask the question... Laura, what the hell happened to you!?! Simply put I had toxemia with the pregnancy of our first son that caused me to blow up like a whale. At 22 the story was pretty much the same another baby more fat packed on. I never really lost a lot of weight between baby 1 and 2 so during pregnancy 2 I went up to 245. Yuck!! I feel awful even admitting these things. I don't want to hurt any feelings in saying that. I am sorry if that is where you are or possibly bigger in your weight. But shouldn't we say YUCK! What is happened to us. Why are we letting this happen are we really that weak. YUCK!! YUCK!! YUCK!! Anyway... I digress. I have had a total of 5 babies in a real hurry. They are all about 2 years apart, which means no time for my body to ever really recoup. The most I ever weighed was at full term with my oldest daughter and that was a weigh in of 270. My poor body... the hell I have put it through! After every baby it only takes me about 2 months to get back to my pre-baby weight but is that really good when my pre-baby weight is 200 pounds?Now with a 16 month old, done with having babies and 29 years old I want to fix the mess I have made. Don't I deserve to be hot or at least attractive? Doesn't my husband deserve a wife that is confident in herself? (lets face it ladies an amount of confidence is lost when you look at you cottage cheese butt in the mirror)
As I bring you with me on my weight loss journey feel free to ask me any questions. I want to be brutally honest with you. I might fail... I am hoping not. I am tired of trying and waking up 6 months later just as fat as I was. Can you imagine if I wouldn't have failed where I would be today? HOT!!! That's where I would be. Don't you want to be there? I do!!

P.S. Please leave you thoughts or comments as I made need to use them as motivation.

Goonies

Have you ever seen the movie Goonies? It is one of my favorites. A little too much cursing to allow my children to watch it but a good movie for when they are a little older. Well anyway... Emma is my little photographer, she is almost 3 and loves cameras and taking pictures. She is really quite good at it and I love to see things the way she does. How do these things tie together? Goonies and Emma's love of photography. Well Emma took a picture of her baby brother Dustin and it reminds me of Goonies. Dustin in this picture looks like the big guy that Chunky meets under the restaurant. You know the guy... the big one that can only say one word at a time. For example...Babyruth. I can just see Dustin in this picture saying Babyruth. His ear all sticking out probably from some sticky food he just ate. (no Dustin does not always look like this) I really dont think that my son looks like a deformed big retard... I just hear that guy when I see this picture. So for me it is a good laugh!

Happy Birthday Ganny

Soft little Eliza

My little Eliza just turned 5. She is a little girl with a big dream. Eliza wants to be a ballerina. Not a all around dancer, she doesn't want to do hip-hop or tap she wants to be a ballerina. She has been asking me for a solid year to buy her real leather ballet slippers. This year for Christmas Eliza got her ballet slippers...pink leotard...soft pink skirt...and a ballet bag. She now asks everyday when she will be starting ballet. Right now we cant afford ballet with Matthew (my husband) starting school in a month and our plan to get out of debt in the next year. So for now I am just showing her what I can of ballet. She is so passionate that she listens to every word and tries her hardest to be perfect. I wanted to mark this point in her life so we took a lot of pictures! Here are some of my favorite...

All Of the little ballerinas in the house! Eliza, Monica (my little sister) and Emma my little baby!